Cue vulnerability hangover.

Hey, , I've been dying to talk about this all week with you, so let's gooooooo....

So, there's this content creator, Tinx, I'm a little obsessed with (hat tip to everyone's favorite former TONIC team member, Christina, for introducing me), primarily because I think she's a total genius when it comes to personal branding.

I've only been following her for a few months, but while I kind of thought I was immune to influencer culture, I now somewhat embarrassingly feel like she's a good friend of mine and get excited every time I see she has new stories posted. I totally look forward to her content.

Thankfully, I'm not alone — half the articles written about her refer to her as "the internet's older sister" and she has a bajillion obsessive followers on TikTok and Instagram who genuinely want her to finally get together with Diplo, buy her dream Bronco, and live happily ever after with a small dog whose potential name she changes every week.

It's kind of weird that her content is so addicting since, at first glance, it seems pretty mundane. She talks about stuff like walking a lot (#richmomwalks), eating very specific things — mustard, pepperoncinis, hot sauce, ice cream sundaes — putting her legs up on a wall to help with circulation and digestion (#legsonthewallfall), being bad at doing her make-up, dating, friendship, drinking tequila, etc.

She also gives a lot of advice and shares a lot of embarrassing moments. (Some content NSFW, fyi.)

And yeah, she's funny and pretty and charismatic, but so are a lot of influencers, so why does her content get me?!

My theory is that she's given her audience a set of themes to associate with her, then returns to them over and over until they're basically inside jokes + ongoing sources of social currency with her audience, which, in turn, feels more and more connected to her and invested in her life. She's basically created her own little sub-culture and you (okay, I) genuinely want to be a part of it. (More on this concept in next week's email!)

She loves — and hates — a lot of things. Passionately. She's enthusiastic. She's very unapologetically the most herself, and people freaking eat it up. She's exhibit A of how powerful it is to own what makes you different... even when it's kind of random and like, okay, you're really excited about this water bottle, I guess?!

(Here's something I just wrote about owning what makes you different.)

Okay, that basically turned into a love letter and I feel like a creeper. I'll stop gushing and get to the point:

Right now, I'm particularly obsessed with one of Tinx's recent TikToks, which espouses her "Fatal Flaw Theory."

I'll explain, but you've really got to watch it to fully understand. It's only 30 seconds.

Here's the gist: we all have a fatal flaw. Everyone you know has a fatal flaw. All your best friends have a fatal flaw. And you can either constantly be annoyed or triggered by that fatal flaw, or you can simply recognize what it is, accept it, and write off / give grace for any behavior that stems from that flaw.

If you're constantly finding yourself triggered by a friends' fatal flaw and can't overlook it, you need to maybe not be best friends with that person. That's fine. What doesn't make sense? Constantly being triggered by and annoyed at your best friends.

The example she gives is like, okay, you have this friend whose fatal flaw is insecurity, and she calls you before a date and keeps you on the phone for ages while she freaks out about which outfit to wear.

Under fatal flaw theory, you don't get annoyed... you just say hey, fatal flaw clause, no problem, and give her a pass. (Realizing she's likely doing the same for you and your flaws.)

I love this whole concept because I'm fascinated by personalities, people, relationships, and why we do what we do, but my immediate reaction was... omg, what is my fatal flaw?

(Or more accurately, WHICH is my fatal flaw?)

And thus, a thousand conversations were born, as I've halfway forced all of my friends and family to determine and discuss their fatal flaws and how they show up in relationships / life / business.

Yes, I'm probably being bossy (fatal flaw candidate #1!), but it's honestly been an incredibly helpful topic — I feel like I've gained a lot of surprising new perspective into the people I'm close to and what drives their behavior.

For example, one of my best friends said her fatal flaw was fear... that she works really hard to achieve the best outcome, make the best plan, or do the best job out of fear, which can lead to agonizing about things, worrying, being perfectionistic, etc. And while I was already familiar with some of those patterns, knowing their root helps me to be more comforting, encouraging, or sensitive when I can tell she might be operating out of fear. I can even more easily give her a pass. (Goodness knows she's always handing them out to me.)

For me, I think my fatal flaw is self-control / self-discipline.

(I can't decide if that's the best way to encapsulate it.)

Basically, I talk too much, I operate on whims and inspiration instead of routine and organization, I avoid things that I don't want to do in favor of what I'd like to do, and I often have great intentions and grand plans, but lack follow-through. I can come across as super overbearing when I think I have the best idea, the best advice, the best solution, or the perfect thing to say (i.e. far too much of the time), instead of, you know, exercising self-control + shutting up and realizing my thoughts aren't always needed. I'm great about starting good habits, but not so great at maintaining them.

I may be an achiever and people-pleaser to my core (and beyond), but if I'm not careful, I can rely on skills, energy, and talent instead of like, actual consistent effort and reliably showing up even and especially when it doesn't feel great.

....

(Cue vulnerability hangover. ENJOY MY SOUL, EVERYONE.)

The interesting part about this to me is that your fatal flaw is often directly tied to your greatest strength.

That friend of mine who thinks her flaw is fear? Is also incredibly thoughtful, extremely dependable, a fantastic planner, does a bajillion things well, and carefully considers all possible outcomes before making an informed decision. (What's that like?)

Yeah, my lack of self-discipline is a flaw, but my whims and inspiration and energy often end up having good outcomes, I'm incredibly focused on whatever I'm working on while I'm working on it (or whoever I'm talking to when I'm talking to them), sometimes I actually DO have a great idea, and all my words can have an impact when I wield them correctly. (At times, in this very newsletter!)

Fatal flaw... greatest strengths. Strong correlation.

Now, to be super clear, the point here isn't to self-flagellate over our flaws and drown in despair. The point is that we've all got them, and your people are going to love you, flaws and all, just like you love them. (Perhaps even because of those flaws.)

But the more awareness you have, the more you're able to notice where those flaws show up — in both ourselves and others — and be empathetic, have patience, make changes, or get accountability where needed. The more you know, right?

So, in the interest of getting to know you better, I wanna hear it:

What's your fatal flaw? And how does it show up in your business? Let's discuss.

Your favorite overbearing psychoanalyst,

- Jen

P.S. We just dropped the sneak peeks of our new collection (AHH!), and omg, the new sites could NOT be more different. (Jenna Kutcher just voice texted and said she couldn't believe they're even from the same designer.)

I'm referring to them as Ginger Spice and Posh Spice... Wanna see?
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